"Insanity doesn't run in my family.... It practically gallops!" - Cary Grant in "Arsenic and Old Lace" (1944)
Venting an overflow of dsyfunctionality inspired by the Boy (aka my son) declaring "I really don't care... Blog it."


Atta Boy!

Though Yours Truly is pet-less at this time due to the rules of my current abode, I've owned both dogs and cats over the years, usually raising them together.  Today I thought I'd share with you some tales of my favorite furry friends from years past...

Once while G-Ma was cat-sitting for Yours Truly, she was startled awake during the middle of the night by the sound of her doorbell. Peeking out the small window in the door, as well as through the front curtains, she didn’t see a soul. G-Ma figured that some teenagers were having fun at her expense and went back to bed. About 10 minutes later, the doorbell rang again. This time G-Ma thought she could catch them if she was quick about it, so she rushed to the door and flung it open. Imagine her surprise when there sat my cat on the ledge beside the door. She said that the cat “jumped down to the stoop, and, when I opened the screen door, gave me a piece of his mind as he walked past me…. fussing at me for not letting him in the first time he rang! I didn’t even know the cat was outside!”

G-Ma used to freak out when Midnight and King would start play fighting.  She never got used to watching the huge dog take the entire cat's head in his mouth, shake him around and then toss him aside.  Of course, Midnight loved it!  He'd roll to a stop and be ready to pounce back in a heartbeat.  G-Ma was just sure his neck was going to get broken eventually.  I think it was all part of their plan to entice G-Ma to once again fly out of the house with a broom to stop the fight.  They'd dodge around her with huge grins everytime.

I heard a bunch of dogs barking and growling in the backyard one day.  Reaching the back of the house, I opened the door to find myself face to face with my cat, clinging to the screen door with all his might.  Just behind him on the back porch paced my dog, ferociously daring a large pack of neighborhood canines to step any closer.  It's always good to know that family has your back!

King was a very patient fellow.  He was a mix with the coloration of his German Shepard side and the long-haired size of the Sheepdog side, which gave him the look of a Collie.  G-Ma used to lay a large quilt in the backyard for the Brothers to crawl around on while she was doing yardwork.  She'd lay the twins in the middle of the quilt and call King over.  "Watch the babies", she'd instruct him and off she'd go.  King took this task very seriously.  He'd lay down on the quilt with them, allowing them to crawl over and around him while he watched.... Eventually one of the twins would start crawling toward the edge of the quilt.  King would gently grab hold of the adventurer's diaper and slowly pull him back to the center of the quilt.  The twins loved this and would giggle their delight each time. 

I'd had Cuddles for a few years when The Boy was born.  Needless to say, it took awhile for Cuddles to come to gripes with this annoying, little being I'd brought home.  Cuddles would loudly meow his displeasure at first, but slowly began to be won over.  Cuddle always slept burrowed under the covers with his head resting right beneath my chin.  One night, The Boy was restless and I laid him in bed beside me.  As I lay there on my side with a hand resting over the baby, Cuddles jumped up to lay down.  He promptly burrowed in between us to his usual spot without disturbing The Boy, then gently rested his paw on the baby's side as well.  Being a single parent can have its drawbacks.  I really wish someone else had been present with a camera to capture the serenity of that moment.


Nip it in the bud!

The Brothers have run through several jobs over the years. The list includes numerous fast food positions. I don’t think there’s a fast food joint within 10 miles of G-Ma that hasn’t been graced with the presence of one of the Brothers over the years.

Brother2’s love of uniforms has lead to a rash of security jobs. Even his email address begins with “Officer”. Thankfully, he’s not qualified for jobs that require a firearm. Recently he’s not been scheduled for more than three nights a week though, putting him in financial straits. Yours Truly asked if he was looking for additional work over the holidays only to be told that he couldn’t risk a second job as he’s on call 24/7. Translation: They might call me in if the stars are aligned just right.

G-Ma tells me that Brother2 has finally realized that he has to find an additional source of income. Of course, this comes after a few weeks after she finally admitted to having bailed out his over-drawn bank account and having bought him a used car when his died. “He was talking about how he was going to lose his job and apartment! I couldn’t handle the thought that he might need to move back in too!!”

Brother2’s master plan has Yours Truly a bit concerned though. According to G-Ma, he’s found out that he can sell plasma four times a week at $25 a visit. Now there’s a brilliant idea. First, I don’t think they allow you to sell plasma more than twice a week, not to mention potential health issues. It could also affect his main source of income. I mean, imagine Barney Fife sporting a ghastly pallor, listlessly wondering around your place of work at night. Not a pleasant thought.

Meanwhile, G-Ma’s busy looking up horror stories of blood donors to confront him with. I’m betting after he passes out the first time from low blood he’ll start working on Plan B.


Roll'n Down the Highway!

Would you want a speed demon with a history of traffic tickets to teach your child to drive? Of course not! It’s not that I’m a bad driver, but I’ll be the first to say it… I’m not the best example for The Boy behind the wheel.

I’m actually quite proud that I’ve gone two years now without a ticket, which means I’m overdue. I’ll admit the last one was my own fault as I was running through a piece of code in my mind and not paying attention. I did notice the cruiser before I passed it, but by then he’d seen me as well. Didn’t help that he was also speeding.

Friends still tease me about blowing the head gasket on my ’86 Mercury Capri many moons ago. No small feat that! Based on the time and distance covered, I was averaging 160 at the time. It’s hard to tell really considering the speedometer only went to 120. Let’s just say I was running late for work when I left the house and subsequently arrived early enough to fully appreciate the steam rolling out from under my hood in the parking garage. I’ll never forget the sight of that Officer’s head whipping around as he watched me fly past his speed trap. He never even bothered pulling into traffic. (Thankfully!)  I still miss that car.

I did think Karma had finally caught up with me the other day though. I glimpsed a cruiser behind me as I drove down the entrance ramp to the bypass around town. As I started to merge into traffic, I glanced into my side mirror and saw him, lights blazing, whip out from behind me to block both lanes of traffic. I didn’t know what to think, but a look in my rearview sent me into a panic! There behind me were 20 cruisers, lights blinding me… as I began to slowly pull to the side of the road in a panic. I don’t know about you, but flashing red and blue lights make me take inventory…. Speeding? Nope…. Tags? Ok.

As I pulled onto the shoulder, I had the experience of being addressed over a PA system. “Please proceed into the flow of traffic… Proceed into the flow of traffic.” Ok, maybe it wasn’t me they were after… Whew!

Let me tell you, it’s nerve-wracking leading a procession of cruisers! I felt like O.J. on the slow bus creeping along in front of them. Once they had all entered the bypass, the first cruiser joined the end of the line and they passed me by. I found out later that they were on their way to the airport to escort some important person or other. Guess they didn’t want to get separated and were playing “Follow the Leader”. Lucky me!

Maybe I’ll see if that driving school has a spot open for The Boy. Keep your fingers crossed that he hasn’t inherited my right foot!



Unfortunately, I had to be stuck babysitting when Brother2 decided to get buzzed for the first time. I heard a strange "ffzzzzztttttt" sound and suddenly a smoky, hair-raising, ozone smell filled the air. Running into the dining room, I discovered Brother2 frozen in place in the middle of a slowly dying ring of fire still clutching the now deformed butter knife with which he'd decided to play electrician. Fire was also sputtering along the length of the clock plugged into the wall outlet. I frantically snatched him up, stomped out the remaining cinders in the carpet and ran for the phone.


Lessons Learned

Have I mentioned that my degree is in Special Ed?  Here one of the lessons learned from my days spent attempting to mold young minds... Do NOT turn your back on your class!

The wisdom of this became apparent to me one day while watching a group of cheerleaders from a local college try to teach a few routines to some of the older girls at the special ed school.  The girls tried to follow


Oh, Brother!

You've finally found a free moment to relax, the Brothers are peacefully napping in their cribs... when suddenly there's a crash from the nursury!  You barrel down the hallway, leap over the baby gate, and discover.... one of the cribs on it's side in the middle of the floor and the Brothers blissfully crawling around.  WTF?  No use asking them, they can't even walk yet much less talk.  How in the world did they get out of their cribs?  How did Brother1's crib get tipped over?  I mean, thank goodness they're fine, but what a mystery!

This is exactly the situation that my parents were faced with.  No one could figure out what had happened.  Finally they had to just shake their heads and shrug.... but it kept happening.  We tried to figure it out, we really did.  G-Ma even posted me outside the twins' door for a time to watch what happened.  Nothing.  This strange phenomenon only occurred when no one was watching, but occur it did!  Not only were we stumped, but we were genuinely worried that they might get hurt doing... whatever they were doing.

In desperation, G-Ma came up with a stroke of genius.  She had me set a ladder outside the nursury's window.  Then she lay the boys down for a nap and went her merry way.  I stood patiently on the ladder, peering over the edge of the window.  You wouldn't believe what I saw that day!

The boy's were always too hyper to nap much.  It wasn't long before Brother2 was pulling himself up by the rails to stand.  Brother1 was awake, but just lay there quietly watching.  Brother2 stood there for a minute, listening... looking.  He must have decided the coast was clear.  I had to stifle a gasp as I watched him pulled his torso up to flip over the side of the crib and execute a well-practiced landing on the floor.  He paused there, listening... looking... before crawling over to Brother1's crib. 

Brother1 was grinning from ear to ear with anticipation.  Brother2 crawled over to his crib and kept going straight under it.  He rolled over onto his back under the crib and proceed to kick up against the bottom of the crib.  The springs under the mattress hooked into a couple of large eyehooks on the head and foot of the crib.  Brother2 had figured out how to kick those springs right out of the eyehooks!  Down came springs and mattress with Brother2 sliding right to the floor.
Once down, the Brothers proceeded to detach the mattress and springs completely and begin pushing the crib away from the wall.  When there was enough space, they both crawled behind it and pulled into a standing position with the wall at their backs.  This is the only time they made a sound.  They looked at each other, leaned back against the wall, said their equivilent of "Go!", and plunged forward against the side of the crib.  Their weight was enough to topple the frame into the floor with a crash.  Mystery solved!

Did you know that chicken wire makes a right proper lid for a crib?


Work Habits

Work for Yours Truely consist mainly of plugging away on computers in a small office with the three other members of my team.  We're all slightly geeky and, after working closely together for a number of years, have formed our own warped, dysfunctional family atmosphere.  We not only live with each other's habits and fobiles... we proudly point them out to visitors as part of the charm of our daily landscape.

If you read Round 'n Round..., you may have figured out that I work in the automotive industry.  Our office used to be located so that headlights would occasionally shine in the windows from one of the off-line areas.  Quite a dramatic lighting effect since we leave off all but one overhead light.  (Easier on the computer-weary eyes)  Each time the light would shine in, my co-worker would rise from her desk, hands and eyes raised to the heavens, intoning "Ahhhhhhhhh!"  It didn't matter what was going on or who she was meeting with... she would pause to celebrate the glory of the light.  This became such a tradition that unless a new visitor was present, it was given no notice... as though time was suspended for that brief moment, conversations resuming without even an eyebrow being raised. Unfortunately, expansion lead to the relocation of our office and the demise of this beloved tradition.  Now it's become a popular myth passed along from cubicle to cubicle in the main office... along with other whispered speculation on our little alcove of geekdom.

Our office has always been something of a myth in and of itself.  As mentioned, we leave off the majority (or all) the overhead lighting with ambient light from the windows and the computer monitors providing a dim atmosphere perfect for programming.  So perfect that most of the employees around us think it's an empty room, until they get curious and try the door.  Ours is a secured, badge-access area so it is not unusual for us to startle visitors and the occasional curious sort rattling our door handle... peering through the one-way glass trying to determine if anyone is home.  The one-way glass has provided an endless source of fun for us watching unsuspecting passers-by stopping to comb their hair or pick their teeth. 

We love our office oddities too... like our Flying Pig.  Perfect for those occasions when the I/S department is giving it their "best effort" or as a subtle answer to a visitor's uninformed inquery or a co-workers frustrated rhetorical rant.  We also proudly display our team's name over the office door decorated in that well-known Matrix code style.  Of course, being uber-geeks, we used some SQL code of our own to create the effect.  Makes it more personal, you know.  Of course there's a Dilbert desk calendar in the room, select pages of which festoon our desks as personal motivation... complete with the names of fellow workers of whom the characters remind us.

Perhaps the best known of our habits is the daily game of Speed Scrabble.  For the longest time we each played computer games during lunch, sometimes challenging each other's score but essentially playing alone.  Because we realized that we needed to take some time off from continually starring at a monitor, this friendly competition was born.  With few exceptions, nothing is allowed to interupt our need for this daily fix.  One of our team actually seems to do better when she's following a conference call while playing!  There's been serious discussion of handicapping her during those occasional lunch time calls... maybe she should have to juggle one-handed too.  Then we might be able to keep up!  The "speed" component of the game is a rule we agreed upon so we could finish a game during our lunchtime.  Each play must be completed in 90 seconds or the player must pass.  If you want to try this at home, start at three minutes and gradually decrease the time allowed to get used to thinking fast.  As geeks, we had to take it a few steps further by creating our own custom Java app to track the time allowed, complete with a 10 second warning buzzer.  We also developed our own web-based dictionary tool using the SOWPOD's word list derived for Scrabble tournament play.  If it's not in SOWPODs, it's not allowed.  I'm often ribbed for trying to sneak in the occasional phonetically spelled word when I'm too close on time to look it up.  I've tried claiming that that's how it's spelled in my home state of Tennessee, but I don't think they're buying it.

Any quirky habits or curiousities where you work?  Feel free to leave a comment and share.


Coming of Age

January 8th... It's the anniversary of Elvis's birthday.  On this day in 1992, while every television channel replayed George Bush (the first one) becoming violently ill in Japan... fainting into the Prime Minister's lap over and over, The Boy descended upon the world and life was never the same again in my household.

Today The Boy is 18 and I'm feeling like reminiscing a bit.  Come along with me as I share just a few of my favorite stories on The Boy in honor of his special day...

3 yrs old - An ex of mine was trying to get The Boy's attention... and trying... and trying.  The Boy finally looks up and says "Shhhhhh!  I'm contemplating!"  After picking up our jaws, we died laughing!

4 yrs old - First day of preschool and what parent wouldn't be proud as The Boy proclaims that he can pee the furthest of all the boys in his class.  I still feel I should have tipped the school janitor as I'm sure he probably earned it that day!

5 yrs old - Still in preschool, The Boy announces on the way home that he and a girl in his class played in the "Tunnel of Love" during recess.  While asking what the "Tunnel of Love" was I found out that they were kissing in the little tunnel under the playground slide... and there was tongue involved.  The school said they never thought they'd have to monitor the preschoolers for public displays of affection!

9 yrs old - The Boy and my roommate decided after watching a magic show on TV to play "Escape Artist".  Just a word to the wise... There's a reason for the "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME" warnings!  I get a call at work from The Boy who trys to stammer through his version of "Houston, We have a problem." while my roommate is frantically yelling in the background... "Hold the phone over here!  Don't hang up!  Honey, can you here me?  Help!".  Seems she, in a moment of absolute brilliance, decided to let him tie her up and show him how to do a proper escape.  Unfortunately for her, he's good with knots.  So good, he couldn't get it untied either after she'd pulled the knots tighter trying to wiggle out.  The definition of embarrassment... Having to explain to your boss that you need to leave early because your roommate is tied up at home and you have to go cut her loose.

I'm almost through embarrassing him for the day, but I just have to jump to high school and share a couple from marching band....

During band practice, you'll often find the director perched high up in the band tower scrutinizing the drill with an eagle eye.  (I've actually heard him on many occasion ask a student to move "an inch" in one direction or another!)  One day The Boy was obviously not marching well for I kept hearing his name called out over the speaker.  Finally in exasperation, the director yells "Boy!... Why are you always either a step too close or a step too far away from James?!?".  The Boy immediately yelled back to the heights.... "We have an on-again, off-again relationship, Sir!"  Amidst muffled snickers on the field, a click could be heard as the director turned off his microphone for a personal moment of silence.

Amazingly, The Boy is part rubber-band, springing right back into his original form, as we learned during a band contest his Sophomore year.  During the band's show, what should happen to catch my eye but a sousaphone (marching tuba) biting the dust.  "Tuba down!" I gasped in a whisper to G-Ma. "Where?", she asked.  Amazingly, no one else actually saw the incident!  The Boy had bounced back up, literally, while wearing a 70 lb instrument.  Several people did see the infamous "Shoe Dance" that followed however, and it is captured for eternity in video as a colorguard gracefully sweeps the offending footwear off the astroturf... passing it from hand to hand as though she had practiced the routine many times with this prop... to finally place it on the sidelines as she spun by.  A few days later, a friend sent me the following photo that she just happened to snap at the exact moment he fell.  She calls it "Face Plant at the 43".  I've blown up the point of interest for you as it's hard to locate otherwise.  FYI.. They won the contest hands-down... trippin' tuba and all.

     (Click on photo to enlarge)
 Happy Birthday, Boy!  Even though we butt heads occasionally, I can't imagine my life without you in it.  Wouldn't have traded the past 18 years for anything in the world.  Love you... proud of you...

Next Post: Work Habits


Round 'n Round It Goes...

Even if you're not a fan of the genre, I'm sure you're familiar with that iconic moment in the Exorcist where the little girl's head starts spinnin' round.  The effect has been used many times since, but that was the first time we got a look at the actual spin that I've occasionally experienced mentally.  Something or someone triggers a personal hot button... and my head starts spinning.  Look closely and you might even see steam wafting out my ears.  (Warning: This not the moment to ask if I've learned a new magic trick with that cigarette. That would be considered more self-destructive then funny.) 

Overall I pretty laid back and passive, even according to The Boy.  Even I have my buttons though... The Boy just doesn't want to admit he knows where each and every one is hidden!  Oh, not all of them lead to such a volcanic reaction.  Most are just those really annoying moments that just drive me crazy and start a slow, gradual spin.... Like these....

Once I knew a guy that in talking about his poor test taking ability in school said "I never did well on testes".  Thought I would die!  Everyone was snickering and the poor guy was really clueless.  Being young and thinking to help, I pulled him aside to save him further embarrassment by explaining the difference between "tests" and "testes".  He laughed and rejoined the group loudly proclaiming to everyone that I was nuts because I thought "testes" had something to do with a part of his anatomy.  Moral of the story... Don't point out the testes.
(ok... either I admit this was my first husband or The Boy has threatened to reveal the fact in an anonymous comment or Tweet.  What can I say... I was young and my self-loathing lead to low expectations at that time of my life.  It was a short lived marriage that resulted in The Boy, so I'm grateful even though I look back and cringe occasionally.)

I work for an automotive manufacturer and occasionally find myself either driving or riding around the plant in one of those "top secret" new models before the public gets to see them.  Once I was riding with an office mate in just such a situation.  We were driving through a loading dock area used for both incoming parts and deliveries to our cafeteria.  He was talking away and I noticed a bread truck start backing out into our path.  Since this was during that frightful time of life that every parent dreads, The Boy's driving lessons, I felt compelled to point out the potential obstacle by calmly stating... "Bread truck".  I mean nothing would be more embarrassing then to wreck one of only three such vehicles in existence... right?  Wrong!  My office mate tells it thusly every chance he gets...  "So we driving along when all of a sudden nervous nelly over here yells (picture a grown man dancing from foot to foot, frantically waving his arms over his head) "OMG... Watch out for the BIG ORANGE BREAD TRUCK!!!!"  The Boy has heard the full version and was, of course, amused.  This story gets told to every visitor that graces our area.  Thankfully, we don't receive many visitors or I might have to put our "Violence in the Workplace" training to the test just to save face.

One day recently The Boy and I were running some errands.  I pulled into a turn lane and The Boy must have thought for a moment that I didn't notice the other car  rapidly approaching.  His arm shot up and I heard a sharp intake of breath.... Slowly he lowered his arm when he realized I wasn't going to shoot out into the path of sudden death, turned to me with a sly grin on his face and muttered, "Bread truck".


Phone Calls from the edge...

lEvery time I hear a "Crazy Frog" ringtone, my stomuch clinches and I have to take a few deep, calming breaths.  You know the tone.... "BaDingDingDing..." annoyingly going on forever! It really only drives me crazy because for some sadistic reason it's the tone assigned to G-Ma on my cell phone.  Yes, I could change the ringer, but then again why not use something that's already annoying rather then spoiling a perfectly good tone?  Just G-Ma's name popping up has the same effect anyway.

Don't get me wrong... I love hearing from G-Ma.  It's just that the resulting need to de-stress afterwards means that time must be planned out accordingly.  A two hour window is the minimum requirement, as a solid hour must be allowed for the call itself.  Accordingly, it's always best if I initiate the call... This allows me to first brew a pot of coffee, locate the asprin (handy in case chest pains or severe migrains occur), run to the corner store for an extra pack of cigarettes, and warn The Boy of the impending call.  Once adequately prepared... little further is required from me.  A simple "Hi, mom.  How're you doing?" is all it takes to start this carny ride.  Throw in a few "um-hummm"s and hold on!!  Commenting... or thinking about it too much... well, to quote Admiral Akbar "It's a trap!"  Though I must admit a lot of it is funny... too much can lead to symptoms strangely resembling a stroke.

"I went over to your brother's the other day.  He hadn't cleaned up the place in days!  You'd be proud of me though. I gave him a good piece of my mind about how he had to do better and the consequences of his behavior.  It only took me 15 minutes to do those dishes!  Why he puts these thing off, I'll never know!.... What are you laughing at?.... What do you mean you'll have to piss me off someday?"

"Your brother calls me all the time!  He'll talk to me driving to work, when he's on his rounds, during his lunch break, driving home.... I swear he must call 20 times a day just to chat!  I can't get anything done for answering the phone!  Why he called me the other day driving home during a terrible snow storm!  Had me so worried that he'd wreck talking on the phone!  Seemed to take forever before he finally got home... talking all the way!... What?... Well I've tried hinting that I'm busy.... Hang up!!  That would just be rude!"

(same brother... different day)  "I haven't heard from your brother all day! I'm convinced something's wrong!  Maybe I should drive over there... or call the hospitals.... I can't call his phone!  He'll think I'm checking up on him!"

"Your brother insists on coming over here to call his ex-wife!  It's so uncomfortable listening to them argue on and on... I've tried to tell his ex how to handle him, but she doesn't listen anymore then he does.... Well, he asks me to stay on the line after I call her for him.... Because she won't answer if she sees his number and he says he wants a witness.  It's more of a control thing really so he can say 'You heard that!'.  Of course I know I should let him handle it on his own.... You know how he gets... One wrong word and he'll argue for hours.... It's easier just to make the call. Otherwise he'll insist that I'm treating him like a child and nothing I say will pacify him!... Well, just wait until The Boy gets older... then you'll understand!"  (Shoot me now!)

"Did I tell you that Brother2 went to court to get a restraining order on his ex?  No?.... well, I went with him... he wouldn't tell me what'd been going on, but obviously she'd come by his place a few times. (his ex lives out of state) She wrote him a letter that he won't let me read.  I was surprised when she and her father both showed up in court.  The Judge was real patient with Brother2.... asking him if his ex had ever threatened him.  He told her (thejudge) that she'd pushed him once.  Eventually the Judge said that she had tried to find a reason to grant the restraining order, but just could find any evidence of abuse.  She asked if he had anything else to add.  The Judge had to call for order when he told her 'Well Judge... She keeps calling me, wanting me to come back... and... well.... I don't want her any more!'  Why even the Court Bailiff had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing!  The Judge did give his ex a lecture though and told her to quit bothering him."

"There was a bottle of peroxide in Brother1's bathroom.  Well, he must have used it all up because there's an economy sized bottle sitting on the floor next to the toilet now.  I asked Brother2 if I could ask a personal question.... Could that he be using that for.... something.... you know.... sexual?.... Why are you laughing?... I don't know what all guys do!.... Anyway, Brother2 suggested it might be for a body piercing that had gotten infected.  No, Brother1's hasn't mentioned a piercing.  So... we looked up body piercing and infections on the internet and Brother2 called a tatoo parlor to ask if someone would use peroxide for that.... You're laughing again!.... Ask him?!?  That would just be too embarrassing..... don't you think?" (Now you know the full story)

"Well, I have to get off here.  How're you all doing?.... That's nice.  Hug The Boy for me.  Love you.. Bye."

Deep, calming breaths.... Time to make that weekly call.  Wish me luck!

Next Post: Round 'n Round It Goes... 


Don't you dare Tweet that!

The Boy (aka my son) will loudly proclaim "That's going on Twitter!" in the midst of one of my rants.  Sometimes this is met with laughing agreement.... More likely I'm shaking my finger at him with a firm "Don't you dare Tweet that!"  I did allow him to Tweet it when I said... "So, you admit your girlfriend's never been kissed and is into Anime.... At least I know your not going to be a dad anytime soon!"  Below is a random sampling what did and did not make the cut.  What are some of your funny stories that made the cut... or didn't?

- G-Ma on seeing an economy sized bottle of peroxide in Brother1's bathroom asked Brother2... "Could he be using that for... you know... something... sexual?"  (Don't you dare!)

- The Boy declared when he threw out his knee recently during dance auditions for the school play that it was officially a "bar fight" injury from here forth.  The look on the doctor's face when he proclaimed "Bar fight" without a blink was worth the trip!  That is until the Dr. turned to look at me with that "What kind of parent are you?..." gaze.  (Tweeted)

- Yours Truely observed of the hostel I'm booking for our upcoming spring break trip... "Who knows, there may be some hot European chicks.  Also the Cherry Blossom Festival is very popular among the Japanese."  Whereupon the Boy proclaimed "Mom, I already have a Japanese girlfriend!"  (Tweeted)  Well, they have a pool table too!
- Brother2 has decided he should apply for disability because his asthma keeps him from working certain jobs.  Geez... I can't fly jets.  Maybe I'm eligible too! (Don't you dare!)

- Brother1 kept insisting on repeatedly getting our attention over the holiday to tell us the temperature in Paris at that moment.  He even felt compelled to wake the Boy up just to relay the information. (Tweeted)

-G-Ma had some peach liquor on her ice cream while we were playing a card game.  She got so distracted trying to pick up her coffee that she laid her cards face up on the table.  She proceeded to laugh at herself until tears rolled down her cheeks.  She finally got winded after 10 mins or so and settled back down.  (Tweeted)  She doesn't handle her liquor well at all!

- Brother2 once decided to entertain everyone during a Christmas get-together by barking "Jingle Bells" loudly to his then-girlfriend who, judging by the high-pitched giggles, was the only person who could truly appreciate his vocal skills.  (Tweeted)

- Brother1 when asked why he lost yet another job... "I had to call in sick again because my legs were asleep."  Really?... Really?  (Don't you dare!)

- Yours Truely's comment that "I've never been fond of parents doing their kids homework, but maybe I should start considering that English grade of yours!"  (Tweeted)

- Brother2 told me that I had to meet his new girlfriend.  When asked how long they'd been together, he replied "We just met today online, but that's Ok."  Loudly starts proclaiming "Good grief!  We have a real relationship!" when I comment on how quickly he's willing to jump into the fray.  (Don't you dare!)

Next Post: Phone calls from the Edge
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