Roll'n Down the Highway!

Would you want a speed demon with a history of traffic tickets to teach your child to drive? Of course not! It’s not that I’m a bad driver, but I’ll be the first to say it… I’m not the best example for The Boy behind the wheel.

I’m actually quite proud that I’ve gone two years now without a ticket, which means I’m overdue. I’ll admit the last one was my own fault as I was running through a piece of code in my mind and not paying attention. I did notice the cruiser before I passed it, but by then he’d seen me as well. Didn’t help that he was also speeding.

Friends still tease me about blowing the head gasket on my ’86 Mercury Capri many moons ago. No small feat that! Based on the time and distance covered, I was averaging 160 at the time. It’s hard to tell really considering the speedometer only went to 120. Let’s just say I was running late for work when I left the house and subsequently arrived early enough to fully appreciate the steam rolling out from under my hood in the parking garage. I’ll never forget the sight of that Officer’s head whipping around as he watched me fly past his speed trap. He never even bothered pulling into traffic. (Thankfully!)  I still miss that car.

I did think Karma had finally caught up with me the other day though. I glimpsed a cruiser behind me as I drove down the entrance ramp to the bypass around town. As I started to merge into traffic, I glanced into my side mirror and saw him, lights blazing, whip out from behind me to block both lanes of traffic. I didn’t know what to think, but a look in my rearview sent me into a panic! There behind me were 20 cruisers, lights blinding me… as I began to slowly pull to the side of the road in a panic. I don’t know about you, but flashing red and blue lights make me take inventory…. Speeding? Nope…. Tags? Ok.

As I pulled onto the shoulder, I had the experience of being addressed over a PA system. “Please proceed into the flow of traffic… Proceed into the flow of traffic.” Ok, maybe it wasn’t me they were after… Whew!

Let me tell you, it’s nerve-wracking leading a procession of cruisers! I felt like O.J. on the slow bus creeping along in front of them. Once they had all entered the bypass, the first cruiser joined the end of the line and they passed me by. I found out later that they were on their way to the airport to escort some important person or other. Guess they didn’t want to get separated and were playing “Follow the Leader”. Lucky me!

Maybe I’ll see if that driving school has a spot open for The Boy. Keep your fingers crossed that he hasn’t inherited my right foot!

Work Habits

Work for Yours Truely consist mainly of plugging away on computers in a small office with the three other members of my team.  We're all slightly geeky and, after working closely together for a number of years, have formed our own warped, dysfunctional family atmosphere.  We not only live with each other's habits and fobiles... we proudly point them out to visitors as part of the charm of our daily landscape.

If you read Round 'n Round..., you may have figured out that I work in the automotive industry.  Our office used to be located so that headlights would occasionally shine in the windows from one of the off-line areas.  Quite a dramatic lighting effect since we leave off all but one overhead light.  (Easier on the computer-weary eyes)  Each time the light would shine in, my co-worker would rise from her desk, hands and eyes raised to the heavens, intoning "Ahhhhhhhhh!"  It didn't matter what was going on or who she was meeting with... she would pause to celebrate the glory of the light.  This became such a tradition that unless a new visitor was present, it was given no notice... as though time was suspended for that brief moment, conversations resuming without even an eyebrow being raised. Unfortunately, expansion lead to the relocation of our office and the demise of this beloved tradition.  Now it's become a popular myth passed along from cubicle to cubicle in the main office... along with other whispered speculation on our little alcove of geekdom.

Our office has always been something of a myth in and of itself.  As mentioned, we leave off the majority (or all) the overhead lighting with ambient light from the windows and the computer monitors providing a dim atmosphere perfect for programming.  So perfect that most of the employees around us think it's an empty room, until they get curious and try the door.  Ours is a secured, badge-access area so it is not unusual for us to startle visitors and the occasional curious sort rattling our door handle... peering through the one-way glass trying to determine if anyone is home.  The one-way glass has provided an endless source of fun for us watching unsuspecting passers-by stopping to comb their hair or pick their teeth. 

We love our office oddities too... like our Flying Pig.  Perfect for those occasions when the I/S department is giving it their "best effort" or as a subtle answer to a visitor's uninformed inquery or a co-workers frustrated rhetorical rant.  We also proudly display our team's name over the office door decorated in that well-known Matrix code style.  Of course, being uber-geeks, we used some SQL code of our own to create the effect.  Makes it more personal, you know.  Of course there's a Dilbert desk calendar in the room, select pages of which festoon our desks as personal motivation... complete with the names of fellow workers of whom the characters remind us.

Perhaps the best known of our habits is the daily game of Speed Scrabble.  For the longest time we each played computer games during lunch, sometimes challenging each other's score but essentially playing alone.  Because we realized that we needed to take some time off from continually starring at a monitor, this friendly competition was born.  With few exceptions, nothing is allowed to interupt our need for this daily fix.  One of our team actually seems to do better when she's following a conference call while playing!  There's been serious discussion of handicapping her during those occasional lunch time calls... maybe she should have to juggle one-handed too.  Then we might be able to keep up!  The "speed" component of the game is a rule we agreed upon so we could finish a game during our lunchtime.  Each play must be completed in 90 seconds or the player must pass.  If you want to try this at home, start at three minutes and gradually decrease the time allowed to get used to thinking fast.  As geeks, we had to take it a few steps further by creating our own custom Java app to track the time allowed, complete with a 10 second warning buzzer.  We also developed our own web-based dictionary tool using the SOWPOD's word list derived for Scrabble tournament play.  If it's not in SOWPODs, it's not allowed.  I'm often ribbed for trying to sneak in the occasional phonetically spelled word when I'm too close on time to look it up.  I've tried claiming that that's how it's spelled in my home state of Tennessee, but I don't think they're buying it.

Any quirky habits or curiousities where you work?  Feel free to leave a comment and share.

Round 'n Round It Goes...

Even if you're not a fan of the genre, I'm sure you're familiar with that iconic moment in the Exorcist where the little girl's head starts spinnin' round.  The effect has been used many times since, but that was the first time we got a look at the actual spin that I've occasionally experienced mentally.  Something or someone triggers a personal hot button... and my head starts spinning.  Look closely and you might even see steam wafting out my ears.  (Warning: This not the moment to ask if I've learned a new magic trick with that cigarette. That would be considered more self-destructive then funny.) 

Overall I pretty laid back and passive, even according to The Boy.  Even I have my buttons though... The Boy just doesn't want to admit he knows where each and every one is hidden!  Oh, not all of them lead to such a volcanic reaction.  Most are just those really annoying moments that just drive me crazy and start a slow, gradual spin.... Like these....

Once I knew a guy that in talking about his poor test taking ability in school said "I never did well on testes".  Thought I would die!  Everyone was snickering and the poor guy was really clueless.  Being young and thinking to help, I pulled him aside to save him further embarrassment by explaining the difference between "tests" and "testes".  He laughed and rejoined the group loudly proclaiming to everyone that I was nuts because I thought "testes" had something to do with a part of his anatomy.  Moral of the story... Don't point out the testes.
(ok... either I admit this was my first husband or The Boy has threatened to reveal the fact in an anonymous comment or Tweet.  What can I say... I was young and my self-loathing lead to low expectations at that time of my life.  It was a short lived marriage that resulted in The Boy, so I'm grateful even though I look back and cringe occasionally.)

I work for an automotive manufacturer and occasionally find myself either driving or riding around the plant in one of those "top secret" new models before the public gets to see them.  Once I was riding with an office mate in just such a situation.  We were driving through a loading dock area used for both incoming parts and deliveries to our cafeteria.  He was talking away and I noticed a bread truck start backing out into our path.  Since this was during that frightful time of life that every parent dreads, The Boy's driving lessons, I felt compelled to point out the potential obstacle by calmly stating... "Bread truck".  I mean nothing would be more embarrassing then to wreck one of only three such vehicles in existence... right?  Wrong!  My office mate tells it thusly every chance he gets...  "So we driving along when all of a sudden nervous nelly over here yells (picture a grown man dancing from foot to foot, frantically waving his arms over his head) "OMG... Watch out for the BIG ORANGE BREAD TRUCK!!!!"  The Boy has heard the full version and was, of course, amused.  This story gets told to every visitor that graces our area.  Thankfully, we don't receive many visitors or I might have to put our "Violence in the Workplace" training to the test just to save face.

One day recently The Boy and I were running some errands.  I pulled into a turn lane and The Boy must have thought for a moment that I didn't notice the other car  rapidly approaching.  His arm shot up and I heard a sharp intake of breath.... Slowly he lowered his arm when he realized I wasn't going to shoot out into the path of sudden death, turned to me with a sly grin on his face and muttered, "Bread truck".