"Insanity doesn't run in my family.... It practically gallops!" - Cary Grant in "Arsenic and Old Lace" (1944)
Venting an overflow of dsyfunctionality inspired by the Boy (aka my son) declaring "I really don't care... Blog it."


Roll'n Down the Highway!

Would you want a speed demon with a history of traffic tickets to teach your child to drive? Of course not! It’s not that I’m a bad driver, but I’ll be the first to say it… I’m not the best example for The Boy behind the wheel.

I’m actually quite proud that I’ve gone two years now without a ticket, which means I’m overdue. I’ll admit the last one was my own fault as I was running through a piece of code in my mind and not paying attention. I did notice the cruiser before I passed it, but by then he’d seen me as well. Didn’t help that he was also speeding.

Friends still tease me about blowing the head gasket on my ’86 Mercury Capri many moons ago. No small feat that! Based on the time and distance covered, I was averaging 160 at the time. It’s hard to tell really considering the speedometer only went to 120. Let’s just say I was running late for work when I left the house and subsequently arrived early enough to fully appreciate the steam rolling out from under my hood in the parking garage. I’ll never forget the sight of that Officer’s head whipping around as he watched me fly past his speed trap. He never even bothered pulling into traffic. (Thankfully!)  I still miss that car.

I did think Karma had finally caught up with me the other day though. I glimpsed a cruiser behind me as I drove down the entrance ramp to the bypass around town. As I started to merge into traffic, I glanced into my side mirror and saw him, lights blazing, whip out from behind me to block both lanes of traffic. I didn’t know what to think, but a look in my rearview sent me into a panic! There behind me were 20 cruisers, lights blinding me… as I began to slowly pull to the side of the road in a panic. I don’t know about you, but flashing red and blue lights make me take inventory…. Speeding? Nope…. Tags? Ok.

As I pulled onto the shoulder, I had the experience of being addressed over a PA system. “Please proceed into the flow of traffic… Proceed into the flow of traffic.” Ok, maybe it wasn’t me they were after… Whew!

Let me tell you, it’s nerve-wracking leading a procession of cruisers! I felt like O.J. on the slow bus creeping along in front of them. Once they had all entered the bypass, the first cruiser joined the end of the line and they passed me by. I found out later that they were on their way to the airport to escort some important person or other. Guess they didn’t want to get separated and were playing “Follow the Leader”. Lucky me!

Maybe I’ll see if that driving school has a spot open for The Boy. Keep your fingers crossed that he hasn’t inherited my right foot!

1 comment:

  1. I had a colleague a few years ago that everyone was afraid of driving with. The "woman driver" jokes never stopped, and she could have wallpapered her office with speeding tickets...

    until the day one of our clients needed to go to the hospital. The client survived no problem, but according to the ER docs, it was only because we got him to the hospital so quickly.

    The jokes have stopped. My colleagues skills at racing are now HIGHLY appreciated.

    I hope you're never in a situation where you'll NEED those skills you have, but they're nice in a pinch :o)


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