"Insanity doesn't run in my family.... It practically gallops!" - Cary Grant in "Arsenic and Old Lace" (1944) Venting an overflow of dsyfunctionality inspired by the Boy (aka my son) declaring "I really don't care... Blog it."
January 8th... It's the anniversary of Elvis's birthday. On this day in 1992, while every television channel replayed George Bush (the first one) becoming violently ill in Japan... fainting into the Prime Minister's lap over and over, The Boy descended upon the world and life was never the same again in my household.
Today The Boy is 18 and I'm feeling like reminiscing a bit. Come along with me as I share just a few of my favorite stories on The Boy in honor of his special day...
3 yrs old - An ex of mine was trying to get The Boy's attention... and trying... and trying. The Boy finally looks up and says "Shhhhhh! I'm contemplating!" After picking up our jaws, we died laughing!
4 yrs old - First day of preschool and what parent wouldn't be proud as The Boy proclaims that he can pee the furthest of all the boys in his class. I still feel I should have tipped the school janitor as I'm sure he probably earned it that day!
5 yrs old - Still in preschool, The Boy announces on the way home that he and a girl in his class played in the "Tunnel of Love" during recess. While asking what the "Tunnel of Love" was I found out that they were kissing in the little tunnel under the playground slide... and there was tongue involved. The school said they never thought they'd have to monitor the preschoolers for public displays of affection!
9 yrs old - The Boy and my roommate decided after watching a magic show on TV to play "Escape Artist". Just a word to the wise... There's a reason for the "DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME" warnings! I get a call at work from The Boy who trys to stammer through his version of "Houston, We have a problem." while my roommate is frantically yelling in the background... "Hold the phone over here! Don't hang up! Honey, can you here me? Help!". Seems she, in a moment of absolute brilliance, decided to let him tie her up and show him how to do a proper escape. Unfortunately for her, he's good with knots. So good, he couldn't get it untied either after she'd pulled the knots tighter trying to wiggle out. The definition of embarrassment... Having to explain to your boss that you need to leave early because your roommate is tied up at home and you have to go cut her loose.
I'm almost through embarrassing him for the day, but I just have to jump to high school and share a couple from marching band....
During band practice, you'll often find the director perched high up in the band tower scrutinizing the drill with an eagle eye. (I've actually heard him on many occasion ask a student to move "an inch" in one direction or another!) One day The Boy was obviously not marching well for I kept hearing his name called out over the speaker. Finally in exasperation, the director yells "Boy!... Why are you always either a step too close or a step too far away from James?!?". The Boy immediately yelled back to the heights.... "We have an on-again, off-again relationship, Sir!" Amidst muffled snickers on the field, a click could be heard as the director turned off his microphone for a personal moment of silence.
Amazingly, The Boy is part rubber-band, springing right back into his original form, as we learned during a band contest his Sophomore year. During the band's show, what should happen to catch my eye but a sousaphone (marching tuba) biting the dust. "Tuba down!" I gasped in a whisper to G-Ma. "Where?", she asked. Amazingly, no one else actually saw the incident! The Boy had bounced back up, literally, while wearing a 70 lb instrument. Several people did see the infamous "Shoe Dance" that followed however, and it is captured for eternity in video as a colorguard gracefully sweeps the offending footwear off the astroturf... passing it from hand to hand as though she had practiced the routine many times with this prop... to finally place it on the sidelines as she spun by. A few days later, a friend sent me the following photo that she just happened to snap at the exact moment he fell. She calls it "Face Plant at the 43". I've blown up the point of interest for you as it's hard to locate otherwise. FYI.. They won the contest hands-down... trippin' tuba and all.
(Click on photo to enlarge) Happy Birthday, Boy! Even though we butt heads occasionally, I can't imagine my life without you in it. Wouldn't have traded the past 18 years for anything in the world. Love you... proud of you...