"Insanity doesn't run in my family.... It practically gallops!" - Cary Grant in "Arsenic and Old Lace" (1944)
Venting an overflow of dsyfunctionality inspired by the Boy (aka my son) declaring "I really don't care... Blog it."


Barbie?... Seriously?

Admittedly, Yours Truely has never been accused of being fashionable... in fact, G-Ma has always cringed at my choice of attire. Part of it stems from my total aversion to shopping. Yours Truely doesn't dislike shopping... but rather abhors it.  Shopping is a necessary evil only.... which produces anxiety and headaches within short order. As has been pointed out many times.... Yours Truely also spends more then needed when shopping by not preforming the ritual known as "shopping around" or "bargain shopping"... *shudder* ... More shopping?... You're kidding, right?

Luckily for me, My Darlin' loves to shop... thankfully she has a Master's in the Art of the Bargain too. Can't tell you how thrilled Yours Truely was when she offered to take over all my shopping needs once she's moved in. "You just need a Personal Shopper", she told me.... "I'd be happy to... ummmm... apply for the position." Dear Reader, let me tell you that was pure music to my ears!  (Especially when she followed it with that cute little giggle... sigh...)

Personal Shopper... just what Yours Truely has always needed... right?... well... maybe...

In a later conversation, My Darlin' started talking about being my "Personal Stylist"... Ok. Yours Truely had to ask... What's the difference between a "Personal Shopper" and a "Personal Stylist"? My Darlin' explained that, in her opinion, a "Personal Shopper" buys what you ask for... whereas a "Personal Stylist" buys what they think you'll look good in.  Uh huh.... Ok.  Yours Truely was ok with this concept until My Darlin' came out with... "It'll be so fun! You'll be like my real live Barbie doll to play dress up with!"

Dear Reader.... can we say "Oh... HELL NO!!"

For those of my Dear Readers who haven't guessed by now... Yours Truely is not the... ummmm... feminine side of this relationship.  My current wardrobe mainly consists of blue jeans, polo shirts and steel toed workboots... Oh, and a ballcap on bad hair days.  Yours Truely is what's commonly described as Butch... albeit of the Soft Butch variety... and gets called "Sir" at least a couple of times a week (occasionally even by my manager).  Never will words like "dainty", "frilly", "girly" or the like come to mind when thinking of me.

My actual response to My Darlin' that fateful day?... "Ummmmm.... Hope that's a Butch Barbie you're thinkin' of, Darlin'!"  I mean Barbie's been almost everything else hasn't she?  Sure enough, Dear Reader, a quick search turned up a few varieties of Barbie all butched out... though I'm not sure they're officially sanctioned.  Who knew... Barbie obviously had a bit of a.... shall we say... experimental phase...



Moving Miscellania

Well, Dear Reader, Yours Truely is spending her free time packing away.... when procrastination techniques run dry at least.  One mustn't rush into these things after all.... Weekend mornings are best savored slowly over a cup (or three) of coffee allowing one to dread contemplate the task ahead at one's leisure.  With gentle prodding from my friends as to the progress of my endevour and encouragement from My Darlin'... boxes are slowly stacking up with the assorted flotsam of my life.

Which leaves me to ponder upon one of life's true mysteries... Just how does one accumulate all this... stuff?!?  Does it multiply when we're not looking?  Does it sneak into the junk drawers/corners/rooms while we're asleep?  Sorting through the odds and ends has lead to several discoveries of things forgotten though... from a T-square... to a picture taken when The Boy was just days old... to a Tickle Me Elmo... How have these things escaped notice in this small apartment?  Truely amazing what emerges from the back of that closet when you dig far enough! 

The task has also lead Yours Truely to wonder... if my domicile is taking this long to sort through, how in the world will we ever cope if something happens to G-Ma?  She is the true Collector Queen in our fractured family.  Spread through her home are collections reflecting her many interests over the years... ranging from ceramics... to reams of information on the family tree... to woven baskets.  She borders on hoarding... filling any space to an overflowing, precariously balanced pile with ease.  At some point, the treasure trove of her life will become my overwhelming task.  Wonder what skeletons memories we'll find in there?


Is My Southern Showin'?

Southerners have a way with words.  Dripping with honey... lubricated with sweet tea... drawn out through a velvet drawl... Our vocabulary is as colorful as our heritage and applied with molasses liberally over all we come in contact with.  Only a Southerner can get by with calling both their waitress and their mechanic "Hon" without drawing so much as a raised eyebrow.  "Hon" is just our way of politely acknowledging you.  Yours Truely cannot imagine a day going by without uttering "hon" at least a half dozen times through the course of day.  What else would one say?  "Hey you" is just so common, not to mention rude...

To Yours Truely, however, while "hon" can be applied to anyone from birth to grave.... "darlin'" is reserved for those especially close to your heart... The Boy may occasionally cringe, but receives the coveted term from Yours Truely on a semi-regular basis... at least when he's on good behavior.  The only other person currently eligable for the honor is my girlfriend.  She is my darlin'... a term she hears daily from Yours Truely.  (After all, "Absolutely, Darlin'" and "Yes indeedy, Darlin'" are two terms any Southerner who hopes to keep their gal happy should learn and apply liberally...)

In a recent New Year's post, Yours Truely spoke of the need for a proper pseudonym for my girlfriend... after all, The GF is already in use.  We tossed around a few ideas, including MML for My Main Lady that was suggested by a friend... but nothing felt right to me.  It had to be just right.... she was my darlin' after all... and then the lightbulb went off!  So Dear Reader... without further ado, please allow Yours Truely to introduce... My Darlin'.  (The following has been added to the Cast Of Characters for future generations edification and enlightenment.)

My Darlin' (Yours Truely's girlfriend) - A bubbly, passionate personality equally at home on horseback or poised on high heels.  She's been accused of resembling Sandra Bullock... but Yours Truely see a wee bit of Claudia Christian in her as well.  An animal lover, her household includes... a horse, a bearded lizard, a raccoon, and two dogs.... Oh, and a six year old son.   She's a patient, loving mother... a hard task with any energetic, young child.  Just the sound of her voice lifts Yours Truely's spirits and fills my heart.


New Year, here I come!

Yours Truely has been waiting in breathless anticipation for this New Year to finally arrive... So much to look forward to!  Let's catch you up on what's in store for the upcoming year, Dear Reader, shall we....

Behind Door Number One....
A brand new job!  This isn't a certainty... yet... But I should find out within the next week or so whether I'm being offered a promotion and position at our new plant.  Yours Truely has been chomping at the bit and gnawing at her nails over this one for awhile now, Dear Reader...Sure it would mean more money, but it also comes with a lot of work to be done before the plant opens and means I'd have to move to another state.  For someone who loves her ruts, this is a wee bit intimidating in and of itself.... Combine that with having to leave The Boy behind and it's enough to give one pause.  Yours Truely has received nothing but encouragement though from all concerned.... including my management.  So here's hoping for good news on the job front to share soon!

Moving On...
Yep, Yours Truely is finally going to crawl out from her personal purgatory of apartment dwelling and become a home owner once again.  My mind's made up... whether the aforementioned job comes through or not, it's on to greener pastures and quieter domiciles!  Though an online comment about having a vibrating couch (due to my downstairs neighbor's cranked up stereo) did lead to a wonderful, unexpected relationship... The ambiance has primarily led to an increased feeling of dis-ease on my part... playing havoc with my bouts of agoraphobia.  (Even harder to convince yourself to walk out that door when someone suddenly starts screaming in the hallway, believe me!)  So regardless of whether its across town or two states away.... UHaul here I come!

What does a Lesbian bring to the second date?....
Couldn't resist... tried... couldn't... forgive me....But speaking of UHauls... as mentioned in a previous post, Yours Truely has become involved recently in a long-distance relationship.  During this New Year, we're hoping to change that however... she says with a huge ear-to-ear grin plastered on her face.  To say Yours Truely is smitten would be a dis-serve to smites the world over... Yours Truely is full-bore head-over-heels in love, Dear Reader... much to The Boy's personal amusement.  He approves completely.... as though he had a say in the matter... She's won him over.. whether it was her sense of humor or how much we obviously care for each other... of course the Christmas gifts didn't hurt either!   Young and naive we're not though... we both realize that the hard work of the relationship lies ahead, but we're looking forward to facing it together.... Oh, and she has a six year old... Yours Truely is looking forward to starting a new family in more ways then one!  This year will be an exciting time indeed!
(Hummmm... will have to think of a good pseudonym for her soon... Any suggestions?)

Stand By Your Man...
That's right... Yours Truely was honored when one of my best online friends requested that I serve as his Best Man... ummm... make that Best Person at his wedding this year.  He and his fiance met and courted each other in the same online forum where I met my own love.  We all excited as many of our online friends will be traveling to help celebrate their new life together.... and, dadgum it, Yours Truely is going to rock a tux!  (I'll post pics too... just for you, Dear Reader) 

So there you have it... the main events of the New Year in a nutshell.  Of course, its yet to be seen what other surprises the New Year has in store as it never comes without a gift or two in hand... being a considerate guest.  The gift isn't always what we asked for... and may appear to be more curse then present... But given the distance of time we usually find the New Year's gift was just what we needed, when we needed it. 

Here's wishing you a wonderful New Year, Dear Reader... filled with surprises and gifts galore!

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