"Insanity doesn't run in my family.... It practically gallops!" - Cary Grant in "Arsenic and Old Lace" (1944) Venting an overflow of dsyfunctionality inspired by the Boy (aka my son) declaring "I really don't care... Blog it."
Admittedly, Yours Truely has never been accused of being fashionable... in fact, G-Ma has always cringed at my choice of attire. Part of it stems from my total aversion to shopping. Yours Truely doesn't dislike shopping... but rather abhors it. Shopping is a necessary evil only.... which produces anxiety and headaches within short order. As has been pointed out many times.... Yours Truely also spends more then needed when shopping by not preforming the ritual known as "shopping around" or "bargain shopping"... *shudder* ... More shopping?... You're kidding, right?
Luckily for me, My Darlin' loves to shop... thankfully she has a Master's in the Art of the Bargain too. Can't tell you how thrilled Yours Truely was when she offered to take over all my shopping needs once she's moved in. "You just need a Personal Shopper", she told me.... "I'd be happy to... ummmm... apply for the position." Dear Reader, let me tell you that was pure music to my ears! (Especially when she followed it with that cute little giggle... sigh...)
Personal Shopper... just what Yours Truely has always needed... right?... well... maybe...
In a later conversation, My Darlin' started talking about being my "Personal Stylist"... Ok. Yours Truely had to ask... What's the difference between a "Personal Shopper" and a "Personal Stylist"? My Darlin' explained that, in her opinion, a "Personal Shopper" buys what you ask for... whereas a "Personal Stylist" buys what they think you'll look good in. Uh huh.... Ok. Yours Truely was ok with this concept until My Darlin' came out with... "It'll be so fun! You'll be like my real live Barbie doll to play dress up with!"
Dear Reader.... can we say "Oh... HELL NO!!"
For those of my Dear Readers who haven't guessed by now... Yours Truely is not the... ummmm... feminine side of this relationship. My current wardrobe mainly consists of blue jeans, polo shirts and steel toed workboots... Oh, and a ballcap on bad hair days. Yours Truely is what's commonly described as Butch... albeit of the Soft Butch variety... and gets called "Sir" at least a couple of times a week (occasionally even by my manager). Never will words like "dainty", "frilly", "girly" or the like come to mind when thinking of me.
My actual response to My Darlin' that fateful day?... "Ummmmm.... Hope that's a Butch Barbie you're thinkin' of, Darlin'!" I mean Barbie's been almost everything else hasn't she? Sure enough, Dear Reader, a quick search turned up a few varieties of Barbie all butched out... though I'm not sure they're officially sanctioned. Who knew... Barbie obviously had a bit of a.... shall we say... experimental phase...