"Insanity doesn't run in my family.... It practically gallops!" - Cary Grant in "Arsenic and Old Lace" (1944) Venting an overflow of dsyfunctionality inspired by the Boy (aka my son) declaring "I really don't care... Blog it."
Back in the stone age when Yours Truly was fitted for her first pair of glasses, the style choices were fairly simple.... black cat eyeglasses. Think I had the choice of red or tortoise shell later on, but black was the only option for the first pair. G-Ma had never realized just how bad my eyesight was until that ride home on a fine Tennessee day with my first glasses. I had never known that we lived near mountains or, for that matter, what billboards were. Talk about an eye-opener!
When you're truly blind though, I don't think style is as much of concern. Function over form is my rule of thumb on such matters. I've worn glasses held together by duct tape and superglue. I've "repaired" glasses with paperclips in place of lost screws. Necessity isn't just the mother of invention... She's the embodiment of pure creative force. It's amazing how creative you can get when your toddler proudly holds up something resembling a pretzel, proclaiming "I get your glasses, Mommy!" and you've got to be at work shortly.
Eventually I progressed into the wonderful world of bifocals. If you've never worn these gems, let me tell you the first few days will have your head spinning. Just walking from the parking lot at work to my desk made me a wee bit seasick that first morning. As mentioned before, I work in an automotive plant. Cars are moving on carriers overhead, tow motors loaded with parts are passing by, the assembly line is in constant movement... in short, not much stands still there and you have to keep an eye on your surroundings to navigate safely throughout. Imagine my dismay when I discovered that any movement of my head resulted in the wavering of my vision. This is what I imagine that "drunk glasses" must be like. By the time I reached my desk, I was ready to hang on to something solid and see if I could just ride out this storm for the day. Of course, this would be the day that I was asked if I'd like to go for a ride along at the test track. That's the first and only time so far that I've been given the opportunity. If I'd only thought to bring along my old glasses, I'd of been on the track in a heartbeat!
I told my boss at the time that I blamed her for my failing eyesight. She scrawled itsy-bitsy notes in pencil as she reviewed material. I actually purchased a large magnifying glass with a light that attached to my desk to be able to read her writing. Once I had a question about a notation she'd made and asked her about it. The note in question consisted of two minuscule scrawls, almost short wavy lines really, that were totally illegible. She glanced at it and said "That says 'bumper at headlamp levelness'". Incredulous, I blurted out "Oh... Now you're just making something up! Even you can't read that mess. Either make an effort or you're buying my first seeing eye dog!" She laughed, but at least all future notes bore a closer relationship to the English language.